A True Story.

December 12, 2008 at 7:22 pm | Posted in memoirs, writing | 18 Comments
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which happened a short time after I had my heart broken the second time. The first time I walked in on my best friend and my first love (and I should point out in the interest of full disclosure that I have no brothers and my father was emotionally absent but I despise Freud.) I was a lonely and difficult child, to see them and here we apologise for our divergence into the hieronymous poetical, fucking
I woke up in a stupor and saw it and wondered if I had encouraged it in some mad fantasy of Berlin in the 20’s vintage which devolves into a drab Catholic graveyard, a grieving mother and us, like his pack, shuffling our feet in the dust in the background.
I don’t know why that war started but I don’t blame her. We just are and things just happen. I said, mate, a shotgun will make so much mess, he said, i love her, i said, mate. His brother, Andrew, found him blue on the toilet floor. Later that night I woke up, in a stupor and saw them sleeping and thought fuck, that’s not the right ending.



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  1. “hieronymous”

    I learn about a new (to me) artist almost every time I visit your poem blog. Thanks!

  2. It is so hard to take the subject of this story because it seems too tragic to be true but I wonder…

    is it a case of cinematic trickery that emphasises the subject matter, within the way you have presented your words?

    I can say it again and again and again (so I will say it again), you have a *new* way of presenting words that is unattainable to most writers but, like any crafted art, is accessible to readers if they open their minds to it and just relax.

    Tragic, intriguing, art, which I am so pleased I have absolutely no pretensions of being able to emulate.

  3. “We just are, and things just happen.”

    You know…the more I embrace this idea, the more easily I move through even the heartaches in life.

    Such a poignant, powerful visual you induce here, Paul….thanks for sharing….

  4. This is incredible Paul. Very intriguing. It also sounds like a new voice. Maybe?

  5. awesome the way you follow the wordless process through tragedy
    using the words as if they are made of volume in a timeless place
    and they still float ever so lightly if that makes any sense

  6. Can I just verbatim ditto Narnie’s sentiments expressed above?

    Indeed, sir, we just are and things just happen. But perhaps we keep too many expectations on the table before we even sit down to eat.

    If there is one thing I will always believe in, it is a love that loves all without partialities or proclivities, and a love that can even love a loved one finding love, even if for one moment, in another’s arms; for love allows and sets free what need holds on out of fear, for love is the very opposite of fear, wanting not even love in return.
    And that is the one thing I will always believe, and many take birth in that, and partly because there is nothing in it for me to believe. It just sits there as factually as these keys I now stroke to magically form impromptu words.

    Ah, where was I?

  7. Crikey Sumedh, breaking a rule by commenting twice and I’m sure Paul won’t mind but those words there are just gorgeous.
    I don’t have that rule, Narnie. You can comment as many times as you like. They are lovely words from Sumedh.

  8. No, it’s a personal rule Paul – another one of my curious self-constraints. Damn, that makes three. Ugh. I’ll stop now.

  9. it almost seems a real story (Andrew is real?) …
    enjoy your beer and the beach. (and the sea…)

  10. I think for a while I will turn the comments off. I am going to be spending a lot less time computing because it’s Summer. So there will be fewer words, but hopefully containing more. Also I have to focus on what I’m doing and when I start looking outwards at the rest of the internet eventually I see something that makes me angry. Also, I know the writing is going to get darker before it gets lighter. I know this and I know that when that happens I have a tendancy to carry the character over into other people’s blogs. So my plan is no comments for a while. Age Of Empires, beer and air conditioning, the beach, ahhh,

  11. enjoy your summer. i have the same feelings for winter. and in my world, the snow flies. have a soppy hoppy beer on me!

  12. a raw, unsettling, uncompromising life experiment/experience…

    someone once told me you have to follow your writing, no matter where it takes you, even if it’s not your intended destination, even if it goes against your sensibilities and natural inclinations, chase after it…

    writing is such a freakish, tricky and unbelievably personal experience that i think you do have to silence some of those outside forces every now and again…because they can sometimes take you toward all kinds of places and spaces where you don’t want to be and then the writing changes and changes for the reader but not so much for you…

    i’m with ya…

    anyway, you’re right, sunday is here, and so is summer… for you…

    time for a pint, eh…?

  13. have fun, squires. remember to have fun

  14. I hear you. I will still read and enjoy. Take care.

  15. If this were a novel, and these were the first sentences, I don’t think I would be able to put the book down.

  16. […] for companions and my shock. (The story behind the second last paragraph can be found here. A True Story.) […]

  17. Great words. I am moved. Truth… you’ve never had a problem with truth – it seems to me that it amounts to more than whether a story is fictional or not. in this piece is an indescribable force that is awesome to read. a fine piece.

  18. love it love it love it… it’s all about living and dying and loving a few along the way… hopefully we shall continue until we get the right ending… thank you paul

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